I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
