WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
