please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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