Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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