operation harelip BJ is a go
Too much gin, very little bucket
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
