I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
