can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
