Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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