my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
