you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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