I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
