it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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