U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
