I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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