by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
