do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
