We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize