i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
