I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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