So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
