sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
