When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish there were birth control emojis
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize