I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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