My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
