I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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