i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
