My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
