win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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