Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
