LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
