thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
