Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
