Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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