Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
