And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
