I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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