Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
