I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
