Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
