I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
