Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
