My Higher Power is John Stamos
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
