ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
