would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
