I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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