I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
