If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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