So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
