It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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