absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
