Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my poor anus
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
