She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
